Action taken a Year Ago, Action taken Now.

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)

Living by Proverbs 3:5-6

September 4, 2016

I can’t believe a whole month  has gone by since I last posted a blog. The previous blog was the 1^st part of a 2 part entry from my workbook. When I posted the first part of week 21 I decided I would post the 2^nd part the following day. Well – here it is a month later. My biggest distraction of course is work and the silly politics that go on and still bring me down. I did added another distraction that has been really really good for me and that is our Book club. We are reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and I think I have finally connected the simple dot that has me taking action and putting down the I am not enough and I am not good enough badge. (it is not a badge of honor). I made a decision that I no longer can wear that badge if I at all believe in God, believe in His Son and that He died for me. That He wants me back Home, in His arms, with my family, His family, our family. How can I possibly wear that badge and proclaim my testimony, believe my testimony, live my testimony and wear that badge. The word that came to mind was – hypocrite. Because I really can’t wear that badge and say I am not good enough. He says I am enough, He has whispered that in my ear over and over and over. He put me on a path to find my beloved Husband, who has told me over and over and over again, I am good enough, I am more than enough, I am beautiful and I am worthy. I have amazing kids who believe I am enough and cheer me on in all of my endeavors. And I have friends who support me, love me, accept me for who I am. I have a crazy good and fulfilling life. How could I dare wear that badge. When I realized this every emotion I had inside me from anger to joy came out. The anger at myself, because it kinda felt like I was calling Bull-shit on God all of these years. And JOY at the simplicity of it all. YES – I believe who He says I am, who I have always been. I put down my badge on Thursday night – September 1, 2016 and decided it was time I start wearing my crown! MY Crown – the Crown He gave me – the Crown He has been pursuing me to wear all of my life. Well friends, I am here to tell you, I am wearing it – and I am getting used to wearing it and soon enough I will not take it off.  And really………………it is that simple!  And that feels GREAT!

Now – here is part 2 of my Angela Shelton Workbook from Week 21, July 21, 2015.

Discussion:  If your child was ill and needed care, what kind of actions would you take?

            The actions I took while raising my kids was 1. Home remedies and try and make them comfortable. 2. If home remedies were not working fast enough it was a trip to the chiropractor. 3. If 1 & 2 did not work the Dr. was our next option.

You need a support system. Make a plan and gather support before removing your sword.

Where do you get the most support in your Life?

·         My Heavenly Father

·         Carl

·         My Kids, Ellie, Kyle, Scott, Jessalyn, Nelson

·         Meredith

·         Bev

·         Allison

·         Teresa

·         Tobie

·         Most of the Sacred and Treasured Team

·         Angela Shelton

Healing Worksheet: 

I feel most supported by:

·         My Heavenly Father

·         My Savior, Jesus Christ

·         Carl

·         My kids and their spouses

·         Bev

·         Meredith

·         Allison

·         Tobie

·         Most of the S & T Team

The People who are most healthy for me are:

·         The same list as above

Discussion: What does it mean to have team members in your life?

            It means I have people to talk to, to be real with, who will encourage me and tell me the truth. To love me unconditionally and give me healthy, honest, truthful feedback. That means everything. More important than stuff.

Removing your sword is a process that you must ultimately do yourself. Your team is your backup.

Who is on your team?

·         My Heavenly Father

·         My Savior, Jesus Christ

·         Carl

·         Meredith

·         Bev

·         Teresa

·         Allison

·         Tobie

Healing Worksheet:

If I needed help I would Call:

·         Carl

·         Mere

·         Bev

·         Teresa

·         (I would call the person I felt inspired to call – I believe that person will be the person that has what I need, the words I would need to hear).

I most trust:

·         My Heavenly Father

·         My Savior, Jesus Christ

·         Carl

·         My kids

·         Mere

·         Bev

·         Teresa

Discussion: Who do you trust? How can you find people to help you?

            Trust takes time to build, little by little, step by step by spending time with someone. It really doesn’t take that long to discern when you have someone who just wants a fake, superficial relationship or who just wants to use you. (Although I have given my trust to people that fit into that category). It does take time when you discern that a person is a possible source of trust to build that trust with each other. Especially if you have been betrayed many times by friends, family, leaders etc…..

Find therapists, support groups, friends and supportive family members you feel safest with.

1.      Who do I feel safest with?

a.      My God

b.      Carl

c.       Mere

d.      Bev

2.      Who would I call if I needed help?

a.      Prayers for guidance, who would be my best option, He knows my needs

b.      Carl

c.       Mere

d.      Bev

e.      Teresa

f.        Allison

g.      Tobie

h.      Most of the S & T team

Healing Worksheet

The people who have inspired, helped and supported me are:

·         Carl

·         Bev

·         Mere

·         Allison

·         Tobie

·         Teresa

·         Teresa

·         Aimee

·         Mindy

·         Carlee

·         Angela Shelton

·         Kelly Rae Roberts

·         Melody Ross and The Brave Girls Club

·         The original Discovery Training and leadership has helped inspire me and helped me in the path I was on, so I want to include them. However there is a caveat on this as the current leadership, have not supported me In my life and my mission and leadership has hurt me deeply with lies and gossip.

The organizations in my area are:

·         Incest Survivors Group

·         All 12 Step Groups

·         The Journey Training

·         Brave Girls Club

·         Angela Shelton – Be Your Own Hero Workbook

·         Celebrate Recovery

·         Sacred and Treasured Women’s Retreat

·         Darkness 2 Light

·         Defend Innocence

·         Younique Foundation

Working out a Plan Part 1

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)

Living by Proverbs 3:5-6

August 7, 2016

The following is my Angela Shelton workbook week 20, July 9, 2015

Discussion:  If you were going through surgery you would have to make a plan. You need to make a plan to remove your sword, too. 

If your child was wounded, how would you comfort them? 

I would first find out what was wrong, how severe it is, and then I would do whatever I could to heal them – or help them heal. Whether it was physical, emotional or spiritual. I would do whatever they needed and/or wanted.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about a plan to remove your sword?  

What do I have to do? How do I do it? How long will it take? How long will it take to heal once it is removed? Will things be different?  Will I really be OK? What if it doesn’t change anything? 

Healing Worksheet:

My plan to remove my sword would have to have:

·         TIME! 

·         Time to be alone with my Father in Heaven – to be still and quiet and listen to my life.

·         Time with Carl

·         Time with Meredith, Allison and Tobie

·         A quiet safe place – like my home – like JTH

·         A big pillow I could punch, cry in or hold, tissues, essential oils, my favorite blanket, sometimes quiet, sometimes music.

·         A place to scream……….if I needed to. 

If I had to tell my child they had to have surgery, I would say:

This has to happen in order for you to be healthy. We will all help you before, during and after your surgery. You can tell us anything you can think of that you will need to help you heal from the surgery and we will also help you think of things. We will help you manage the pain. We will comfort you when it hurts and encourage you to do whatever it takes to heal. Whatever it is you need us to do or not do, we will. We love you and you will be better than you were before. 

The following is my Angela Shelton workbook week 21, July 16, 2015

Discussion: You need help, support, a place in which to remove it in the safest way possible, and a place to recover.

Where do you feel safest?  What are some places?

·         Home

·         Anywhere with Carl

·         Journey to Healing Lodge

Where is the first place you would go if you were going to remove your sword?

·         My home

·         Journey to Healing with Meredith, Allison, Teresa, Bev, Aimee, Tobie

·         Bev’s home

·         Meredith’s home

Healing Worksheet:

I feel safest when I:

·         Am with Carl, usually anywhere

·         With Meredith

·         With Bev

·         When I am home, by myself, listening to music, pondering and praying and feeling His Spirit

·         Journey to Healing

·         Ellie and Kyle’s home

·         Scott and Jessalyn’s home

If I had to hide somewhere I would go:

·         To my home

·         To Meredith’s home

·         To Bev’s home

·         Cindy’s home

·         Ellie’s

·         Scott’s

·         Kevann’s home

Week 21 to Be Continued..........................

Steps to becoming a Warrior

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)

Living by Proverbs 3:5-6

July 11, 2016

The following is my Angela Shelton workbook from week 19, July 2, 2015

Discussion:  What are the biggest fears about removing the sword? 

What would life be like if you left your sword in? 

     My feeling is that if I leave my sword in I will never heal, completely and I will continue that generational curse instead of breaking it. I feel as if that is what my parents have passed to on me. Hold it all in, stuff it down, we have the gospel and that is all we need to heal. I don’t want to pass that to my own children, I want to break it – that is what I have seen in my dream. The healing that has taken place in my life, Carl’s life and between us has been passed down to our children, and they passed it down to their children and it goes on for generations. That is a generational blessing I want to leave my family.  I have to heal for myself and have closure with my family and friends in the areas of my life that have been betrayed and hurt. I so often feel this is a big reason my family does not want me around. I want to heal, I want to figure things out and I make them uncomfortable when I talk about this. I know my parents and my family love me, and I needed to learn to love them, where they were at, without expectations of wanting more. More understanding, more healing. My parents could never validate my feelings and experiences – this led to more hurt, pain and misunderstanding of one another.  I learned to hide behind false appearances, so no one finds out the real truth. They had to be OK with keeping me out their lives because having me in their life jeopardized the truth getting out.  If I want a relationship with my family I have to keep my sword in. If I want to be whole I will have to remove my sword and be OK with either a superficial relationship with my family – or none at all. 

What are the biggest fears about removing the sword? 

·         Not being able to do it – completely

·         That it will remain the same –

·         That there isn’t a sword – this is really who I am

·         I will have to face the damage that has been done

·         Digging deep enough to understand my behaviors and what drives them

·         Thinking about how the betrayal of our best friends has really affected me

·         No closure or truth at church

·         No closure finding my daughter

·         Lies and gossip at Discovery that have hurt me

·         What it would look like or feel like to not care what other’s think

·         Learning how to let go

·         Connecting with my younger self

·         Stop trying to fix everything

·         Trying to make people understand my perspective

·         Being still and listening to my life

Healing Worksheet

My sword gives me comfort because:

·        It’s a part of me

·         I was raised with it and as a child it helped to protect me

·         It is hard to change, and change requires me to look at myself and my own accountability as an adult to what happened to me as a child

·         With the sword I can live in denial and not work on myself

·         I don’t have to face that my parents did not know how to love me.

·         It has enabled me to protect myself

·         I don’t have to remember if I don’t want to

I am familiar with:

·         Being accepting of an appearance based-superficial, fake relationship with my family

·         I am familiar with knowing if I want a relationship with them that is all I will get

·         It is my choice to be fake or not

·         Being afraid of confrontation

·         Being afraid of being honest with my emotions

·         Stuffing my emotions down

·         Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away

·         Rejection

·         Betrayal

·         Having my identity stolen with lies and gossip

·         Fear

If I was a warrior then I would have to:

·         Change – change the self-defeating games I play

·         Change my self-defeating doubts and thoughts about myself

·         Stop worrying about the way I look and focus on the way I act and feel

·         Be kind to myself – focus on healthy eating, exercise and talking myself out sitting round doing nothing.

·         Focus my attention on doing all of the fun, lovely and challenging things I would like to do.

·         Stand up and fight to teach more Stewards of Children Classes

·         Learn how to build our business and work on it daily

·         Fight through laziness and procrastination

·         Wear my JOY everyday – being an example of healing and Joy to everyone

·         TAKE OUT MY SWORD AND USE IT FOR GOOD!!!!!

Plans B, C, D, E and so on emerge because I am running from pain and fear.

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)

Living by Proverbs 3:5-6

July 8, 2016

The following is my Angela Shelton workbook week 18, June 25, 2015

Discussion: The thought of touching your sword can scare you and leave you frozen in fear and not knowing where to begin.

What if the unknown was super fun and joyous? If I could know that the unknown was super fun and Joyous a) it would not be unknown and b) I would always take a chance. The reality is I don’t know if it will be joyous or not. But I can have Hope that even if choosing the unknown is, will be or can be hard, the end results will be super fun and joyous. Examples that prove this to me are; This Workbook, The 30-Day Wear Your Joy Project I participated in – the painting class I took, Discovery, Retreats, even buying new make-up products as of late have been super fun and joyous to me. (now I need to push through this fear and go shopping with Meredith). How could that not be super fun and joyous. 

What would your life look like if you had no fear? What would you be doing?

     Today, if I had no fear I would spend time doing exactly what I love doing and I would figure out how to live my dream. I would spend less time veg’ing and thinking about all of the things I could be / should be doing and DO THEM!  I would buy a piano and learn how to play again – I would go shopping with Meredith and have her help me find my style. I would read and learn how to start my own business and embark on that adventure. I would go for a swim every day. I would figure out how to work less and play more or turn my play into work. I would dance more, enjoy myself, be happy with myself. I would, if I could, if I had no fear ------ - Man what a thought! 

Healing Worksheet

If I had no fear I would:

·        Work less – paint more

·        Start a business – A Room With A Voice

·        Lose Weight – exercise

·        Love myself, be happy with myself, no matter what

·        Confront betrayal

·        Be more active in church (vulnerable)

If money was no object I would:

·        Start a business

·        Buy a piano

·        Quit my job so I could work at my business, create, speak, paint, teach, heal

·        Visit more with my friends

·        Travel to visit my friends and family

·        Buy a place to hold retreats

·        Plan and hold other retreats that are in my heart

·        Help more women get to our retreat

·        Help more people get to Discovery

·        Open up another girls home and do it right with parents and children in the home together to teach parents how to parent, without the separation trauma.

·        There are so many things I would love to do, if money was no object.

Letting go of pain makes me nervous because:

·        Because I will need something to fill up the time and space that the pain took. 

·        I am afraid of what that would be.

·        I have lived a lot of my adult life, “going through the motions,” and although a lot of that was really good, had I paid better attention, focused on my heart and hearing what it had to say I believe I would have done a few things different.

·        I didn’t fully realize my pain or how much of it was affecting me and my decisions and relationships.

·        The fear of not succeeding or being good enough has kept me from a lot of dreams, which is completely silly because of some amazing things that I have accomplished even while I was ignoring or stuffing my pain and fear.

·        I lost 100lbs, working hard, eating healthy and exercising. I kept it off for 15 years because I put myself in the fitness industry. I was a very popular aerobics instructor/personal trainer in the Dallas area. I went to workshops, hosted and led workshops and training. I owned my own studio, all while running from my pain and fear of facing it and also raising my kids. I got hurt and slowly starting gaining the weight back when I could no longer exercise. Then I started figuring out the emotional mess I was in. I don’t believe I would have gained all this weight back had I healed my heart earlier.

Until next time……

Hugs and Blessings!

Kim Mayer