Steps to becoming a Warrior

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)

Living by Proverbs 3:5-6

July 11, 2016

The following is my Angela Shelton workbook from week 19, July 2, 2015

Discussion:  What are the biggest fears about removing the sword? 

What would life be like if you left your sword in? 

     My feeling is that if I leave my sword in I will never heal, completely and I will continue that generational curse instead of breaking it. I feel as if that is what my parents have passed to on me. Hold it all in, stuff it down, we have the gospel and that is all we need to heal. I don’t want to pass that to my own children, I want to break it – that is what I have seen in my dream. The healing that has taken place in my life, Carl’s life and between us has been passed down to our children, and they passed it down to their children and it goes on for generations. That is a generational blessing I want to leave my family.  I have to heal for myself and have closure with my family and friends in the areas of my life that have been betrayed and hurt. I so often feel this is a big reason my family does not want me around. I want to heal, I want to figure things out and I make them uncomfortable when I talk about this. I know my parents and my family love me, and I needed to learn to love them, where they were at, without expectations of wanting more. More understanding, more healing. My parents could never validate my feelings and experiences – this led to more hurt, pain and misunderstanding of one another.  I learned to hide behind false appearances, so no one finds out the real truth. They had to be OK with keeping me out their lives because having me in their life jeopardized the truth getting out.  If I want a relationship with my family I have to keep my sword in. If I want to be whole I will have to remove my sword and be OK with either a superficial relationship with my family – or none at all. 

What are the biggest fears about removing the sword? 

·         Not being able to do it – completely

·         That it will remain the same –

·         That there isn’t a sword – this is really who I am

·         I will have to face the damage that has been done

·         Digging deep enough to understand my behaviors and what drives them

·         Thinking about how the betrayal of our best friends has really affected me

·         No closure or truth at church

·         No closure finding my daughter

·         Lies and gossip at Discovery that have hurt me

·         What it would look like or feel like to not care what other’s think

·         Learning how to let go

·         Connecting with my younger self

·         Stop trying to fix everything

·         Trying to make people understand my perspective

·         Being still and listening to my life

Healing Worksheet

My sword gives me comfort because:

·        It’s a part of me

·         I was raised with it and as a child it helped to protect me

·         It is hard to change, and change requires me to look at myself and my own accountability as an adult to what happened to me as a child

·         With the sword I can live in denial and not work on myself

·         I don’t have to face that my parents did not know how to love me.

·         It has enabled me to protect myself

·         I don’t have to remember if I don’t want to

I am familiar with:

·         Being accepting of an appearance based-superficial, fake relationship with my family

·         I am familiar with knowing if I want a relationship with them that is all I will get

·         It is my choice to be fake or not

·         Being afraid of confrontation

·         Being afraid of being honest with my emotions

·         Stuffing my emotions down

·         Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away

·         Rejection

·         Betrayal

·         Having my identity stolen with lies and gossip

·         Fear

If I was a warrior then I would have to:

·         Change – change the self-defeating games I play

·         Change my self-defeating doubts and thoughts about myself

·         Stop worrying about the way I look and focus on the way I act and feel

·         Be kind to myself – focus on healthy eating, exercise and talking myself out sitting round doing nothing.

·         Focus my attention on doing all of the fun, lovely and challenging things I would like to do.

·         Stand up and fight to teach more Stewards of Children Classes

·         Learn how to build our business and work on it daily

·         Fight through laziness and procrastination

·         Wear my JOY everyday – being an example of healing and Joy to everyone

·         TAKE OUT MY SWORD AND USE IT FOR GOOD!!!!!