Choice and Consequences

Early this week I was driving home from having lunch with a friend. It was an intentional lunch for us to talk about our lives. The good, the bad and the ugly. My friend is struggling and she is trying to do what is best for her and her children. Her life has been about this for as long as I have known her, and I easily remember the season in my life when I desired to do the same. Raise my kids to be healthy, happy, safe and secure. When you are in the midst of it, the choices we make are not always easily seen and yet each and every choice we make has a consequence. As I was driving I was pondering our conversation and wondered if I had told her some of my "gut feelings" long ago would it have made a difference. I had statistics to back up my gut feeling, but that was it. I had no experience with the friend who had hurt her, so I decided to stay quiet. I pondered now, if that was the right thing to do considering the sorrow and sadness she was now experiencing along with her children. At that moment I remembered some inspiration and council that I received a few years ago from the Holy Spirit. I was on my way to an event when two words entered my mind, "entitlement" and "superiority."  I immediately thought, who? Who has a sense of entitlement and feels superior? I arrived at the event and I observed, trying to figure out who those words belonged to. Were they for me? Were they about me? I said a little prayer, did a little gut check and the answer was Yes, they are for me, No, they are not about me. Then I asked; well tell me who they are about, so I can be aware. Immediately I was answered, "I cannot tell you who, that is gossip and I do not gossip. It is your job to be aware; behavior, words, actions are how this truth will be revealed to you so pay attention."  That is exactly what happened. It did not happen that day at that event. It took a little longer for me to experience words, behaviors and actions. When I did, truth was revealed. As I thought again about that experience, I understood why it would not have been OK for me to tell my friend my "gut" feelings; that would have been gossip, and the chances of her listening to it would not have been good, and it also might have caused some awkwardness in my relationship with her. What I did do at the time and will continue to do when I am in similar situations, is to ask her to pay attention. Pay close attention to everyone in your inner circle and if there is a behavior that does not makes sense it is a red flag for you to pay even closer attention. It is easy to "blow off" behavior inconsistencies when you love someone and that is why all of our relationships should be guided by the Holy Spirit and His love for all of us. We all need to pay attention so we see if there are any red flags.

This thought process let me to thinking about choice and consequences. Heavenly Father gave us our agency, the right to choose, the right to make our own decisions. The consequence for this gift for Heavenly Father is He would have to allow us to make good and bad choices and do nothing to intervene. He would have to allow us to suffer the consequences of "not paying attention." This also leads us to leaning on Him for understanding, direction, discernment and inspiration. If we lean on Him, our choices tend to be better than when we don't, therefore our consequences are also better. In my own life I can give you example after example of leaning on Him and asking Him for inspiration and paying attention and life is grander than I had imagined. To the polar opposite of not leaning on Him, figuring things out for myself, making a mistake, living through the consequences of that mistake, and then getting back on track. It is and always has been easier to gain the knowledge and inspiration we need to stay on the happiest and most rewarding of paths. Determination and dedication to Him will set us apart and satisfy our deepest desires to live for something beyond our-self. We are His, therefore, we have no need to allow disappointments or despair to direct our path any longer. We are human, He gave us choice, there are consequences to all of our choices and He allows us to live through those consequences and He provided us all a way back to Him.

As I thought about this beautiful plan I realized it is the same for me with my children. It is the same for my friend and her children. It is the same for all of us. We teach our children the best we can, they grow up and start to make their own choices. The hardest thing we have to do concerning this, is allowing them to live through their own consequences. The worst thing we could ever do to our children, (other than physical, sexual or emotional abuse), is suffer their consequences for them. Freedom to Choose is a gift from God, who are we to take it from Him and that is what we do when we enable our children to continue to make destructive choices. We have to let them choose for themselves and let the consequence follow We do not take away the good consequences, why do we try and take away the bad ones? That is when they learn the most - so in truth - we are hurting them. It is like looking at that 1 year old trying to walk. Each time they fall down, do we pick them up? No. We allow them to figure it out for themselves, the consequence of that fall. They will decide for themselves if they want to try it again or not. If we are always there to pick them up, how will they learn on their own. They most likely will sit there on the floor, until someone comes and rescues them. That will be the way they learned to walk. When I fall down, I will stay here till you pick me up so I can try again. I think most of us see the detrimental pattern here and do not want this pattern in our children lives.

So my point in all of this pondering is How beautifully and perfectly God showed us how to be parents. There IS a manual - there is a hard and fast and successful rule. Let them make their own age appropriate decisions and let them own the consequence of their decisions.

I am truly grateful for the friendships that I have that lead me to strengthen myself and my relationships.

 

Miracles Happen When We Listen and then Act

Early in 2015 I kept hearing inspiration to "start a blog." I argued with that for a year. Once I agreed, because it was really getting intense I quickly learned that I was supposed to "blog" my Angela Shelton healing workbook, titled; "Be Your Own Hero." This workbook is 52 weekly lessons digging into my life. It was hard so I prayed for something to come into my life to "balance' this workbook. I was amazed, and had to be convinced that "ART" was the answer to that prayer. Here I am half way through 2018 and I am slowly believing I can launch an art business, teaching the art classes that I myself learned. The biggest lesson for me was how much doing art worked to heal my heart. It was the perfect balance. Hard soul work balanced with creating soul work. Who knew! I believe God knows and I am grateful more than I can express that He led me to this balance. Art came into my life so I "thought" I could use it as an excuse to no longer blog. WRONG again ---- this blog has nagged at me for the two years since I stopped writing. And I stopped because I got to the point in my Angela Shelton workbook where I had to write my story. This was key to removing my sword of trauma. I will admit that I finished the workbook without finishing my story. I wrote part of it and stopped. I just did not know what and how I was supposed to post events in my life. Events many of my family and friends do not even know. Events that I couldn't even explain. Events that were still hanging with no end, no closure. So even though this blog was nagging at me, I stopped.

Well my family and friends. At the beginning of 2018 I have felt that nudge, prompting, inspiration, annoying me again with the words, "your story is good, it is important, it will help others. You have more than a blog to write, you have a book to write."  

Again, I am back to whaaaaat........ ?????? ....... This blog is a stretch for me and I have let it go for 2 years. How in the world can You think or expect me to write a book? I can't even write my story. Why do You push me into things that my mind tell me are not logical, not possible, unfathomable. "I really need you to stop," was my answer. Yet He knows me. He is is my Truth-Teller, He is is my God and His love is the most important and fulfilling love that I have. His love allows me to love everyone in my life, (including myself), the way He loves me. This has been a challenge at times for me to figure out. I have no boundaries when it comes to my relationship with God, but I have to set boundaries with family and friends to protect my heart so He can help me protect my peace. He allows me to suffer the consequences for my actions, and I have to learn to allow my family and friends do the same. He has taught me that truth and I believe I will have to answer for every consequence I suffer for someone else. (In other words-enable). Because I know this, I have had to put boundaries in place for many of my friends and family members. Those boundaries are often misunderstood that I am unhappy, or judgmental, or just harsh and unforgiving. Let me assure you, I am not unhappy, in fact I am happier than I have ever been. My heart feels more healed than ever, yet I still instinctively know there is more, and there will always be more. I do my best to not act judgmental, yet I have to judge what is best for my heart and then confirm that decision with my truth-teller and act accordingly. I do not always choose the best words and sometimes they do come out harsh. I continue to work on that, but still know the truth can hurt people who do not acknowledge destructive behavior. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people. God has led me to remarkable places of healing and my desire is to help others do the same. I know how and why forgiveness is important, and I do my best to implement the blessings it brings to my heart.

The past month of my life has been an amazing roller coaster of emotions for me and this past weekend in the silence I have been able to listen to the whispers of my soul why writing is so important. I think I even know how to write my story - my challenge now lies in "just doing it." I am going to give it a try here with the hopes that maybe in a few years I will have done what I was asked to do, and be at a place to write the book He needs me to write. I have had the realization that I have actually taken part in creating every experience of my life and I have come to this earth for only one reason. To learn and that everything that has ever happened to me has been a loving step in that process. It is why I was given a blessing at the tender age of 17 to "prepare myself" because women would come to me for help and healing. I spent a lot of years believing that I no idea what that blessing meant, or how it would even come to pass. This weekend, I stand in awe and amazement that He has orchestrated the fruition of that blessing even during the years of my life that I ran, denied and spoke the words, "you've got the wrong girl."  I feel so happy, blessed and honored how gently and persistently He has pursued me. Allowing me to get on board with Him in my own way. He has been patiently waiting for me to quiet the noise and listen to Him, and act on His inspiration for the story of my life.