Friday, July 8, 2016

Plans B, C, D, E and so on emerge because I am running from pain and fear.

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)
Living by Proverbs 3:5-6
July 8, 2016

The following is my Angela Shelton workbook week 18, June 25, 2015

Discussion: The thought of touching your sword can scare you and leave you frozen in fear and not knowing where to begin.

What if the unknown was super fun and joyous? If I could know that the unknown was super fun and Joyous a) it would not be unknown and b) I would always take a chance. The reality is I don’t know if it will be joyous or not. But I can have Hope that even if choosing the unknown is, will be or can be hard, the end results will be super fun and joyous. Examples that prove this to me are; This Workbook, The 30-Day Wear Your Joy Project I participated in – the painting class I took, Discovery, Retreats, even buying new make-up products as of late have been super fun and joyous to me. (now I need to push through this fear and go shopping with Meredith). How could that not be super fun and joyous. 

What would your life look like if you had no fear? What would you be doing?
     Today, if I had no fear I would spend time doing exactly what I love doing and I would figure out how to live my dream. I would spend less time veg’ing and thinking about all of the things I could be / should be doing and DO THEM!  I would buy a piano and learn how to play again – I would go shopping with Meredith and have her help me find my style. I would read and learn how to start my own business and embark on that adventure. I would go for a swim every day. I would figure out how to work less and play more or turn my play into work. I would dance more, enjoy myself, be happy with myself. I would, if I could, if I had no fear ------ - Man what a thought! 

Healing Worksheet

If I had no fear I would:
·        Work less – paint more
·        Start a business – A Room With A Voice
·        Lose Weight – exercise
·        Love myself, be happy with myself, no matter what
·        Confront betrayal
·        Be more active in church (vulnerable)
If money was no object I would:
·        Start a business
·        Buy a piano
·        Quit my job so I could work at my business, create, speak, paint, teach, heal
·        Visit more with my friends
·        Travel to visit my friends and family
·        Buy a place to hold retreats
·        Plan and hold other retreats that are in my heart
·        Help more women get to our retreat
·        Help more people get to Discovery
·        Open up another girls home and do it right with parents and children in the home together to teach parents how to parent, without the separation trauma.
·        There are so many things I would love to do, if money was no object.

Letting go of pain makes me nervous because:
·        Because I will need something to fill up the time and space that the pain took. 
·        I am afraid of what that would be.
·        I have lived a lot of my adult life, “going through the motions,” and although a lot of that was really good, had I paid better attention, focused on my heart and hearing what it had to say I believe I would have done a few things different.
·        I didn’t fully realize my pain or how much of it was affecting me and my decisions and relationships.
·        The fear of not succeeding or being good enough has kept me from a lot of dreams, which is completely silly because of some amazing things that I have accomplished even while I was ignoring or stuffing my pain and fear.
·        I lost 100lbs, working hard, eating healthy and exercising. I kept it off for 15 years because I put myself in the fitness industry. I was a very popular aerobics instructor/personal trainer in the Dallas area. I went to workshops, hosted and led workshops and training. I owned my own studio, all while running from my pain and fear of facing it and also raising my kids. I got hurt and slowly starting gaining the weight back when I could no longer exercise. Then I started figuring out the emotional mess I was in. I don’t believe I would have gained all this weight back had I healed my heart earlier.

Until next time……
Hugs and Blessings!
Kim Mayer




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