Early in 2015 I kept hearing inspiration to "start a blog." I argued with that for a year. Once I agreed, because it was really getting intense I quickly learned that I was supposed to "blog" my Angela Shelton healing workbook, titled; "Be Your Own Hero." This workbook is 52 weekly lessons digging into my life. It was hard so I prayed for something to come into my life to "balance' this workbook. I was amazed, and had to be convinced that "ART" was the answer to that prayer. Here I am half way through 2018 and I am slowly believing I can launch an art business, teaching the art classes that I myself learned. The biggest lesson for me was how much doing art worked to heal my heart. It was the perfect balance. Hard soul work balanced with creating soul work. Who knew! I believe God knows and I am grateful more than I can express that He led me to this balance. Art came into my life so I "thought" I could use it as an excuse to no longer blog. WRONG again ---- this blog has nagged at me for the two years since I stopped writing. And I stopped because I got to the point in my Angela Shelton workbook where I had to write my story. This was key to removing my sword of trauma. I will admit that I finished the workbook without finishing my story. I wrote part of it and stopped. I just did not know what and how I was supposed to post events in my life. Events many of my family and friends do not even know. Events that I couldn't even explain. Events that were still hanging with no end, no closure. So even though this blog was nagging at me, I stopped.
Well my family and friends. At the beginning of 2018 I have felt that nudge, prompting, inspiration, annoying me again with the words, "your story is good, it is important, it will help others. You have more than a blog to write, you have a book to write."
Again, I am back to whaaaaat........ ?????? ....... This blog is a stretch for me and I have let it go for 2 years. How in the world can You think or expect me to write a book? I can't even write my story. Why do You push me into things that my mind tell me are not logical, not possible, unfathomable. "I really need you to stop," was my answer. Yet He knows me. He is is my Truth-Teller, He is is my God and His love is the most important and fulfilling love that I have. His love allows me to love everyone in my life, (including myself), the way He loves me. This has been a challenge at times for me to figure out. I have no boundaries when it comes to my relationship with God, but I have to set boundaries with family and friends to protect my heart so He can help me protect my peace. He allows me to suffer the consequences for my actions, and I have to learn to allow my family and friends do the same. He has taught me that truth and I believe I will have to answer for every consequence I suffer for someone else. (In other words-enable). Because I know this, I have had to put boundaries in place for many of my friends and family members. Those boundaries are often misunderstood that I am unhappy, or judgmental, or just harsh and unforgiving. Let me assure you, I am not unhappy, in fact I am happier than I have ever been. My heart feels more healed than ever, yet I still instinctively know there is more, and there will always be more. I do my best to not act judgmental, yet I have to judge what is best for my heart and then confirm that decision with my truth-teller and act accordingly. I do not always choose the best words and sometimes they do come out harsh. I continue to work on that, but still know the truth can hurt people who do not acknowledge destructive behavior. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people. God has led me to remarkable places of healing and my desire is to help others do the same. I know how and why forgiveness is important, and I do my best to implement the blessings it brings to my heart.
The past month of my life has been an amazing roller coaster of emotions for me and this past weekend in the silence I have been able to listen to the whispers of my soul why writing is so important. I think I even know how to write my story - my challenge now lies in "just doing it." I am going to give it a try here with the hopes that maybe in a few years I will have done what I was asked to do, and be at a place to write the book He needs me to write. I have had the realization that I have actually taken part in creating every experience of my life and I have come to this earth for only one reason. To learn and that everything that has ever happened to me has been a loving step in that process. It is why I was given a blessing at the tender age of 17 to "prepare myself" because women would come to me for help and healing. I spent a lot of years believing that I no idea what that blessing meant, or how it would even come to pass. This weekend, I stand in awe and amazement that He has orchestrated the fruition of that blessing even during the years of my life that I ran, denied and spoke the words, "you've got the wrong girl." I feel so happy, blessed and honored how gently and persistently He has pursued me. Allowing me to get on board with Him in my own way. He has been patiently waiting for me to quiet the noise and listen to Him, and act on His inspiration for the story of my life.
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