My First Blog

First Blog post - Friday March 4, 2016

Learning to F.L.Y.  (First Love Myself)

Living by Proverbs 3:5-6

(Spring 2015) God: You need to start a blog……..

 Me: No I don’t, I am not a writer.

(Summer 2015) God: If you launch a blog you will find more women who desire healing from our retreat…….

 Me: I wouldn’t even know where to begin and besides, I am not a writer.

(Fall 2015) Sara: I will help you if you need help. What would you put in your Blog?.......

Me: that’s the problem, I don’t know where to even begin, and I’m not a writer. 

(Jan 2016) Cindy: I have one more thing to tell you before we go. You need to start a blog. …. 

 Me: I am NOT a writer......OK, OK, OK, I will start a blog. I think I know where I am supposed to start, it doesn’t matter if  I believe I am not a writer, I can’t deny anymore this is what I am supposed to do. Oh, how badly I  need Rachel right now.  She would know what to do and how to help me – and she would make me  do this, she would push me!  And she would proof-read everything for me.  I have so much inside  turmoil over this, it pushes so many of my emotional  buttons. Loss, betrayal, denial, abuse, hurt,  pain, anxiety.  Oh boy, here I go…….Today I write my first blog:  

In the 1^st quarter of 2014 I was encouraged by a friend to start a retreat for women who have survived childhood sexual abuse, rape, any kind of sexual trauma. I took that challenge, and dropped the ball for a bit, I really didn’t know where to begin. Where do I start – writing a retreat?  The lies in my head were; who do you think you are; you can’t write a retreat, you are not even a good writer, you have no unique ideas, you have no education; who do you think you are – Really? Writing this now, this sounds familiar. A pattern of my life.

The truth: God knows who I am and He has told me, shown me, who I am. He has spoken to me in my mind and heart through the Holy Spirit. He has revealed many remarkable truths to me, about His plan for my life, about who I am, who I have always been – willing to stand up – outspoken – able to convince many of my brothers and sisters of the truth.  He once whispered to me; your sins have been forgiven, and during a time when lies once again were bring spread to steal my identity, I felt His arms around me and the Holy Spirit whispered; you are so good. I wept.  He said I was so good. 

So in the summer of 2014 I took the ball back, asked two friends to join me, help me, encourage me and hold me accountable. That summer the 3 of us met around the dining table of my home each and every week to write a retreat  to help women start or continue healing from sexual trauma. All three of us women will confirm the fact that God showed up BIG and He wrote this retreat for us. Every single idea, exercise, song, video – every detail was literally handed to us.  During that summer we were all put in places where we needed to be for us to learn what God Himself wanted in this retreat. We were all in 100% agreement over every little detail – no disagreements, arguments, no one saying; I think this idea is better – let’s consider this. We couldn’t – because we all knew everything that was put on that table, that summer was exactly what our loving Heavenly Father wanted for His daughters who had been hurt. He was allowing us to show His daughters a weekend of His love for them. Amazing……..

We launched our retreat in October of 2014 with a “mock retreat” in my home. We invited women we had previously served with at a different retreat and hoped they would serve with us as well. Our mock retreat was a “weeding” process of sorts and when it was over the 3 of us knew 2 things. 1. It was really, really good, and 2. who He wanted our on team. We boldly took another step forward, stepped out on our own and held our first real retreat November 2014. Absolutely everything fell into place for us.  Yes, we ran into obstacles, and He moved them all out of our way.

Once the retreat was off the ground, one of us felt as if we needed to learn more and on her own went to a ministry training. We all knew there would always be more learning, growing, sharing of things God wanted us to share. We just kind of assumed we would continue doing so together, just like we did that summer.  Our dear friend learned a new ministry technique that we did not know about nor did we feel comfortable with. She asked us both to take this training, and I answered that I would pray about it. I did pray about it, and was immediately scolded, with the answer; what makes you think you need to take another training when you have not even started the one you have already signed up and paid for? Ohhhh, He was right. During that magical summer, the 3 of us together sat at my computer and looked up Angela Shelton. We were using her documentary movie, Searching for Angela Shelton, about childhood sexual abuse, maybe she would have something else to inspire us. We found her website, a few videos, and then her “Sword of Trauma” healing workbook. We were all so impressed and inspired, we signed up and ordered the workbook right then and there.  We also decided to use “The Sword or Trauma” as an exercise at our retreat.  We got the workbook, I looked through every page and thought – wow – this would be great to do, hard to do, and intense. I did the first week, closed the book and never looked at it again – until this little reminder from God. I decided to be obedient and I put together a small group to do the workbook. This was a yearlong program with a weekly lesson and meeting in small group.  I started this workbook on February 18, 2015 with two other women, neither of them being the women who helped to get our retreat started. One of the women would drop out of the retreat and the other would join our small group a couple of months later.  This is where my blog journey begins, now that you have the “back-story.” 

Thank you for reading.

Hugs and Blessings,

Kim Mayer

 (Thanks Mere).....