Learning to F.L.Y. (First Love Myself)
Living by Proverbs 3:5-6
June 20, 2016
I started this Healing Workbook in February of 2015. As it progressed each week, I spent some time
in prayer asking my Heavenly Father for something “fun” to do that would kind
of balance the emotional work from this workbook. Shortly after that prayer I ran across a FB
post where a friend stated she was going to do something fun, something she had
never done before, something challenging and “out of the box” for her. With my
interest peaked, I messaged her and asked her to share the secret fun she was
about to embark on. She told me she was going to take an on-line art class
called Mixed-Media Mantra painting by Kelly Rae Roberts. I have loved KRR’s work for a long time and I
had seen this class on her website, but $300.00 at that time was out of the
question. I looked at her website again, that very day and can you believe it------she
was having a “sale” on that class and for “that day” only she was offering it
for $99.00. Yup----answer to my prayer
and I had $100.00. I signed up
IMMEDIATELY. Then…..I told Carl, we
printed the supply list and he took me out to buy the supplies. $100.00 later, I was ready and excited to
take my first painting class. The lessons went live in April – I couldn’t
wait. My first lesson came and it wasn’t
painting – it was a JOURNAL lesson. Whaaaaaat??? – more “work?”
I did the lesson – and it was EXACYLY what I needed – it was a parallel to
the Angela Shelton workbook I was doing and I was again AMAZED!!! That journal
lesson helped me “re-write” some of the lies that I tell myself. Something I
had not considered before. Carl came home from work and asked; “how was your
first painting class?” I laughed and said it was GREAT. He asked to see what I
had painted – and he was surprised when I told him it was a journal lesson
about the “Lies we tell ourselves.” The
next lesson was more of the same – a journal lesson about the people who have influenced
my life. Who are my hero’s. This time
when Carl came home and learned it was another journal lesson said: “so are you
really going to paint?” Ha! I had all of
these supplies, but I really didn’t care – so far this was so good for me and
was the “perfect fun” activity to coincide with the emotional work I was doing.
It was crazy good. The next
painting/journal class was writing mantra’s. Taking the power words from what
we had previously written. This was GREAT for me, because up until this time I
would tell you I was good at finding inspirational writing, sayings and
paintings, and I could copy a lot of it. But “create” it, write it myself.
NO-WAY! (one of the lies I told
myself). Now I had a journal full of
mantra’s – truths about me and my life that I wrote – all by myself…….. and
some of them are really good! This was
crazy good for me and EXACTLY what I needed.
Now it is time to
paint, and I have enough “mantra’s” for many paintings and I have confidence
that if I can learn to do this – I can learn to paint! After taking the first course, I learned that
I am uptight – I have to figure out how to let go and not worry about perfect.
I am a fixer and I plan how to fix things. Effects of trauma in my life that
may have worked for me as a child, but are not serving me well as an adult. I
take the class again and each time I paint I write down these words: PLAY –
when playing stops perfectionism starts, JUST PLAY! This helped me immensely and I actually
created a few paintings that I really liked. I even was brave enough to give a
few paintings as presents. Once I got a little more comfortable with myself I
went back to KRR’s website and signed up for another e-course of hers. The 30-Day Wear Your Joy Project. I am
extremely overweight and during all of this journey, I am trying to learn to
love myself as I am. I have a feeling once I really start loving who I am, I
will love myself enough to do something about my weight. Learning to wear my
joy was a BIG stretch for me at the size I am. But something was nagging me to
do it, so I did. Another HUGE eye
opening crazy loving step to finding more inside myself and bringing out into
the light. This 30 day experience opened my eyes to discovering more about
myself and learning even more how to trust and love myself. The hardest
challenge of this 30 day project was cleaning out my closet. The instructions
were to go through every piece of clothing in my closet and dresser. If it did
not fit me I was supposed to put it in the “does not fit pile.” If it did fit
me I was to hold it up in front of me and ask; “does this bring me joy when I
wear it.?’ By the time I was through my
closet I literally had NOTHING to wear. EVERYTHING I wore was for one purpose –
TO COVER MY FAT BODY! Nothing colorful, nothing that brought me joy. I didn’t
even know what “my style” was. Nothing that I wore expressed the joy that I had
for life. Nor did it express that I was on a path to learn to love myself. It
didn’t express the love I had experienced in my life, past and present. Oh what
a sad state I found myself in. I had to go back through some of my clothes and
put them back in my closet because I had to get dressed for work every day! Ha! I made a goal to buy one piece of
clothing a week that I loved and brought me Joy, until I had a week’s worth of outfits
to wear. This was another HUGE accomplishment for me, because this meant I had
to go look for colors and patterns, and try and figure out what I really like.
I have accomplished that to an extent, and I have some joy in my closet but I
am far from dressing in my own style or thinking I look good. I am working on it – and I will do this
30-day practice again. Soon!
I share this parallel journey with you because the next few
lessons in Angela Shelton in my opinion are rough and I wanted to express the
great things going on in my life at the same time of the “trauma excavation”
journey. I am amazed as I look back and
write about this amazing year. Incredible it went by so fast and I accomplished
so much! He continues to put people, places, and things in my life to make it
more than wonderful. I am completely overwhelmed and completely grateful.
Hugs and Blessings!
Kim Mayer
If you are interested in the KRR Mixed Media Mantra Class or the Wear Your Joy Project please visit her website at www.kellyraeroberts.com
If you are interested in the KRR Mixed Media Mantra Class or the Wear Your Joy Project please visit her website at www.kellyraeroberts.com
Also - here a a few of my first mixed media mantra painting and my first angel painting.
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